Skinny B?

 

Have you seen the new ideal of Romanian beauty?  People are amazed at her 20 inch waist. Is this the new reality of the epitomy of beauty?  Actually, corsettes have been around since the dawn of...oh the 18th century or earlier.  There have been numerous women way past the chic Victorian era who have decided to sport a corset to help mold their waistline, like Cathy Jung's 39-15-39 physique, Guiness World Record holder.  Although many women love the fashionable modern corset, it's early days were more reminiscent of the distorted beauty ideal of the Chinese bound foot, painful. Early corsets sought to suppress the most prominent of female features, the breasts, in favor of accentuating and perpetuating a prepubescent-sized waist. Why are women consistently being made to look like little girls and forced into a square peg-into-a-round-hole-ideal of beauty and praised for it? I'm pretty sure that someone convinced this model that if she wanted to be pretty, this is what she should do. What do you think?    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag4hNbqy2SI

Breaking Up Part Deux

So, how do you actually say what you need to say without being over come with guilt?  Guilt and worry are part of the confrontation process.  You just  have to accept that breaking up is a necessary evil, because if you don't go through with it when you know you need to extend the amount of personal space between you and the offending individual, then you are stuck and out of luck.

You you have come to the conclusion that your life will be loads better without this certain used-to-be-special someone.  Hey, you gave it your best try, or maybe you didn't, it's just time to go.  Some times, we enter into relationships with people who have very obvious character flaws that make them dangerous to be with and sometimes, we love someone who just has a different path than the one we envision for ourselves.  So, we find that we must say those dreaded words, "I'm leaving."

Options are:

1. Being with you has meant the world to me and I will always love you. For now, I need to be alone, so I'm leaving this relationship behind.

2. I am unhappy and I refuse to continue to be unhappy, so, bye.

3. This [relationship] doesn't work for me any more. I really love you, but I'm not staying.



You can declare your break up any way you like. These options are just examples, especially if you are concerned about hurting the other person.  However, there are a few rules you should absolutely follow:

1. (for good Karma) Don't be cruel.

2. (for self respect) Don't be guilted into thinking you owe any further explanations or justifications for why you are breaking up (explaning won't make things better or easier, or help them to understand that you have made up your mind and you are moving on).

3. Don't change your mind a few days later and fall into that all too common, in-and-out, back-and-forth drama. You are not together for some very valid reasons and giving it another, oh...six tries isn't going to make the reason you parted ways the first time not exist.

Yes, breaking up hurts. Yes, you feel bad about it in the beginning. Yes, having to say the actual words out loud makes you want to avoid the confrontation altogether. But, remember, choosing you and your well-being first is always an excellent move. Your sense of love for life will return and you will relish it. You now have created an opening for something or someone more beautiful to enter.  That's a lot worth celebrating. You are worth celebrating.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo-KmOd3i7s&ob=av2e

Steps to Breaking Up

When it's over, it's over.  We all have that feeling that says, "This isn't working, this doesn't feel joyous, this is bringing out the worst in me."  What is seriously unsettling is the number of people, especially girls, who continue to stay in the relationship.  Sometimes, there's the hoping that things will get better syndrome. Often, there's the maybe it's me syndrome. Usually, it's the but we have future plans and dreams that keeps you tethered to the one who shall be called lame syndrome.  Breaking up isn't easy. No one likes confrontation. We don't want to hurt the feelings of the other person, yet we are so miserable, so choosing to suffer in silence is the logical choice, right? Oh, my! Here's some good steps to follow: 1) Always choose your happiness over someone else's, 2) The other person's happiness isn't your responsibility, 3) The minute you realize it's time to move on, DO IT!, never wait until after such and such, 4) Grieve, cry, stay in bed, but not for too long,what ever you need to heal  because this is stressful and it is a loss, 5) When that creeping feeling overcomes you to call the other person because you are soooo lonely and might have made a mistake, DON'T DO IT!, 6) Rest assured that the minute you let something toxic in your life go, you now have room for many wonderful things to occur, like welcoming an even better, quality friend or lover into your life now that there's no stagnation, taking in deep breathes and acknowledging that freedom feels good, and a newfound realization that you are stronger than you think, will survive this, and that loving yourself and new possibilities in your life is intoxicating.  Loving your life alone will always trump pretending to love your life in a mediocre relationship. There's just so much more to look forward to. Party on, girlfriends!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I

What Will You Sacrifice For Love

I was thinking about the recent news of Demi Moore's sad life.  You never know what is truly going on with someone in private. She seems to have many successes in her life, three daughters, a sound and mature relationship with her ex, a seemingly blessed new marriage, a  long career, yet she found herself alone and getting high.  Why does she hate herself so much? This post isn't so much about Demi, but she does make an excellent case for why girls should love themselves. It is really sad to live an existence based on a need for approval and validation from others. Marriage or relationships can be a type of validation for a girl's worth in the world and when that relationship dissolves, many feel broken, unloveable, and full of self-hate. I think in Demi's case, there may have already been some fractures in her spirit to be partaking in such reckless behavior. I just wish that self love and acceptance was high on the priority list for the majority of girls and that we didn't grow into adulthood with fragile esteems always doubting our worth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnuuYcqhzCE&ob=av2e

Lady in Waiting

Sometimes, I wonder how much of a woman's upbringing is spent in learning how to wait. Think of all the things we are made to wait for. We wait for our turn, for our breasts to grow, for him to notice us, for him to call, for him to ask us out, to take us to prom, to marry him,  for him to come home, in line at the post office, the grocery store, for our sanity to return, for time to breath, for our kids, for our friends etc.  We constantly wait for someone to do something or for something to happen, for the other shoe to drop. What ever!

Molly Sat Waiting For Her Father - Forestwyck

  

There are stories filled with women waiting, magazine pictures, and artistic renderings.  There are historical concepts of the "Lady in waiting" and how we are all "waiting for Prince Charming" or a "Knight in shining armour" to save us because a woman will always be the quintesential damsel in distress. WE simply can't do anything for ourselves. WE  have to wait for someone to come and do it for us or make up our minds for us. I've known some chicks who have turned being helpless into an art form, everything from putting gas in their car to paying a bill.  Afterall, haven't you heard...guys like to feel needed (what's ridiculous here is that some girls buy into this idea so much that they go out of our way to be helpless just so their guy can feel more like a man...like his self-esteem is our responsibility). 

Well, you know what waiting will get ya. Take a good look...say, in a mirror. Girls aren't helpless. WE don't need to wait for sh**!  Buy yourself a dozen roses, no reason or special celebration necessary. Ask him to the prom. Hell, ask him to marry you and buy your own diamond ring. At least when you open the little velvet box you won't be disappointed. Or, just buy yourself a diamond ring because you deserve one, no need to add man and stir. Take yourself to a nice restaurant and eat everything you want without having to share your dessert or look across the table at judgemental eyes. If and when the right guy or the right opportunity presents itself, that'll just be the blessing you were hoping for, but until then, what are we waiting for?

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHzOOQfhPFg&ob=av2e

Ooh...Baby!

Sometimes, what you see is not what you get.  What does your image say about you?  I love this pic. What I see when I look at it is a beautiful woman covered in caviar. What else does that mean? Well, it expresses an identity that is unique yet complex, beautiful and confident, tantilizing yet unapologetic, intrepid. I think when it comes to identifying your style or image, you just have to go with your gut and don't always follow a trend. Try to be as original as possible in every way. And remember no matter what, robust or slim, angelic or sly, youthful or MARVELOUS, plain-Jane or Viva-glam, you got to work it girl!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OH25Lty8gE
Attitude is everything!

Mirror Mirror

Mirrors are lovely things.  I especially love mirrors with unique or overly gawdy frames. I also like how they cast back beautiful reflections. I guess that depends on who's doing the looking.

I don't think all girls are beautiful in the same way. Now we can try to create a hierarchy of beauty with say, someone like a Gisele or a Tyra at the top and well everyone else...you know where.  It's utterly ridiculous and unfair to try compare. I'm sure even Gisele's twin sister doesn't curse her own looks, even though TMZ tried to dub her the ugly twin. Okay, so the reality is that there are some people who are more beautiful, but I am being honest when I say that even though not all girls are beautiful in the same way, all girls are beautiful in every way. Despite your genetics or lack thereof, there is some quality about our face, what we see when we look in a mirror, that is supremely beautiful.

Could be a the way the freckles arrange themselves across your cheeks, or the shear determination of your eye brows to ever wind their hapless way towards the heavens, or how your upper would-make-Jessica-Rabbit-envious voluptuous lip sits proudly on top your more shy and likely to retreat lower lip.  So what, if any part of the whole keeps you from becoming Angelina Jolie's double, you were born female and absolutely beautiful comparatively.

                                 

If you have every stopped to look at women from all around the world and then the men from the same region, hands down, the girls win in the looks department. 

                                                        Picasso's Girl Before a Mirror

And if you find it hard to look into a mirror and see that, well try, and then try again. Try out different mirrors, different lighting, different angles until it is clear as a sunny day the beautiful you that exists.



Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2gy1Evb1Kg&ob=av3e  RIP Left-Eye

I Got You

When we were young, we gravitated towards other girls with ease. As we got older and started to desire the attentions and affections of the opposite sex (for some the desire is for the same sex, so pardon my generalizing, but this still applies) we declared I must be in a relationship.  Unfortunately,when this happens, I think girls have a tendency to lose sight of themselves and each other. This desire is usually with complete abandon and not the kind where you throw caution to the wind, leap with both feet, head over heels, or what ever happens happens. The bigger concern is with the abandon of our senses, our self-reliance and esteem, and our sisterhood.  I mean guys have a a mantra, albeit demeaning, "bros before hos" but what do girls say to each other?  Or is it just understood that "well...I got a man now...so you understand...see ya!"

We have such a long road as women to grow and learn about ourselves

 and our place in the world.  There are so many stereotypes to overcome, and the limitations that are placed on us just because we were blessed with a vagina: must get married, can only be wife and mother, don't be too smart, must be sexy to get guys to like me, not as smart or strong as a man, really loves shoes, gold-digger, emotional, etc.  We forget ourselves and we definitely forget to hold on to each other.  Many of us abandon each other for a guy, for a relationship. Yet, guys still have guy time and what do girls do? Tag along, watch from the side lines while he has fun skateboarding, surfing, or carousing with his buds in some official guy way or we sit home and wait for him, all needy and clingy,"When will you be back?" we whine. Really?!  We do have an existence outside of relationships, lives and dreams to nurture. Claim back your sisterhood. There is nothing more reassuring than the acceptance and support of a girl-friend. We truly get each other: feelings, thoughts, needs, dreams, tribulations.  Not only do we need to fight for ourselves and our future, but for our sisters.

Check out this oldie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chysEoANK7c

Til Death Do Us Part

I think a lot of little girls plan for a marriage.  I don't think little boys do.  I mean, I have met a few boys who truly desire to marry and have a family, but the majority of girls are more indoctrinated towards the goal of marriage as the reason for existence.Is this really what we were born to do, become someone's wife? For too many girls, a wedding band is a true validation of worth, but they're wrong.  I'm not sure that the "til death do us part" ideology is realistic. Let's think about this, so many marriages don't work. For some marriages that are still in tact, one or both people are miserable and feel stuck. So, we have this false sense of hope for humanity when we see a married couple that are seemingly truly in love and committed to each other. I'd like to think that there are those lucky people who just have this authentic kismet. Unfortunately, I see more people who truly loathe each other and treat each other with lack of love, and yet, they stay married. Even with those who look filled with bliss in front of you may deal with some very serious compromises within the sanctity of their home. The "I will love you until the day I die" declaration isn't real.  Because if your behaviors, the way you speak, the way you gaze at, and the way you move around and with your loved one doesn't express sincere love, adoration, and respect, but instead looks more like contempt, that isn't a marriage, that isn't love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXoHXHCqih0&feature=related

Romance Anyone

What is it exactly about romance that drives a woman crazy? I really think that it's more than the intimate contact.  It probably has more to do with anticipation because let's face it, when the physical stuff begins, it is soon way done.  Anticipation is this idea that brews and simmers in your whole body and you can feel an immense trickling sensation from head to toe waiting to see what will truly come of this fascinating sensation. There is so much more to romance than the wine and dine aspect of it. This may be why they say that sex starts in the mind, really. It all starts with an idea spurred on by the way his eyes take you in dreamily, the brushing of his fingers against the back of your hand, a sly smile, an arm around your waist, a brisk embrace that began with his hands around the small of your back, the faintest whisper in your ear, the fingers that brush that rogue wisp of hair from the front of your face to behind your ear, the way his hands grip your neck firmly at the base of your jawline that pulls your lips against his passionately. All of that adds up to romance. Romance makes you feel special, like you matter. Would it be wrong to say expect it, demand it, be fulfilled by it, but if your guy is a dud, maybe time to find a better one?

For a quick escape into romance land, check out this video by Bruno Mars. This is his performance from the recent X-Factor show and the light show accompaniment is the most beautiful and compelling that I've every seen:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIvpwkUuPbk

Do Girls Matter

I am so glad to be here writing tonight.  I had a busy weekend and kept thinking of coming back to write.  I had the privilege of attending a beauty pageant called the Narcissus Pageant.  This is a pageant for Chinese girls/young women from ages 18 to 26. The contestants were beautiful, took culture classes to prepare and were absolutely remarkable and brave to take on something like a pageant. Now, it might seem that I would have a problem with objectification, but this pageant was a real class act. It was about culture, and heritage, appreciation, and honor. Yes, I was there to support a  specific contestant regardless of the fact that I was resistant to the idea of attending originally. After what I saw, I truly have respect for these young women as they will really benefit as ambassadors. My only qualm is this, and maybe you can help me understand: why would China or the Chinese culture promote women in this way when historically they are known for, well, not honoring women. Doesn't China still have the "One Child" policy? Is this policy the very reason that so many young female babies have been abandoned, orphaned, or killed because the favored first born child is expected to be male? Don't all the movies depicting ancient Chinese families showcase the low status of women being made to marry out of duty and arrangement, having bound feet, and the mother-in-law always scolding the young bride for not giving birth to a male child? I remember being highly offended when I read out of a Chinese poetry book something along the lines of "I have a cow to give me milk, I have an ox to plow my field, but what's the use of a girl like you."  So, what is the point of a Narcissus Pageant given this profound lack of respect for women?

Why Chocolate and Caviar?

We aren't talking chocolate caviar which is basically little balls of chocolate and actually sounds really yummy. Chocolate itself is stereotypically eaten by women only as some sort of euphoric strategy to release tensions. The thing is that every body from young to old, girl and boy love chocolate.  What's not to love about something so creamy and sweet? But, let's consider the other unique qualities of chocolate like decadence, silky-smooth, craved, satisfying, comes in a variety of shapes and flavors. Couldn't these very same qualities represent a woman? Caviar is expensive, a delicacy, delicate, discernable to a wise palette, complex.  Sugar and spice doesn't quite match up to all that a woman represents because we are not that simple. Women really represent an unfolding. Chocolate & Caviar have such a repertoire.

What Would Mother Goose Say?

I've always heard the saying that little girls are made of "sugar and spice and everything nice," but I'm not so sure that's true.  I used to think how cute this was and what I understood it to mean was that girls were better than boys because we are so sweet. As I continued to grow older, I started to understand that what this saying really meant was that girls are supposed to be sweet all the time, that we have a place in this world and it's not to stand out, speak our mind, or be disagreeable. Somehow to be anything but a sweet girl was to be a girl who is unworthy of attention, kindness, or love. Growing older still, I learned even more to be invisible, silent.  I'm sure Mother Goose probably never intended for her cute nursery rhyme to do any damage to a young girl's self-worth, but there's a lot more to being a girl. Girls, young and grown, are complex, unique, and absolutely fabulous beings. We definitely should be seen and heard, free to live fearless and fiercely (insert two snaps, a head tilt, and a side glance here). Girls so rule!